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guilt as your companion

by angeltown

/
1.
wreck 02:10
another wreckingball playing god the buildings tumble down and the bricks crumble and return to where they were once found too fast too slow too forward too awkward im not what i want to be im not what you want me to be (know nothing say something) reluctant like a first kiss haunted as is im not anything as you expected and i hope thats fine another wreckingball playing god another wreckingball playing god im not want i want to be im not want you want me to be another wreckingball playing god
2.
roses 02:05
im mortgaged to the thought that ive lost something im paying off the bills to the idea that it was never lost i loved you more when i was soberless i loved you more when i hated myself i loved you when you loved you and i loved you when i couldn't figure it out (i loved you more when i couldn't figure it out)
3.
keeper 01:41
I should've figured it out what to say, what to do I shouldn't have said that but whats already out cant be brought back in my silhouette casts its shadow down the steps of your apartment my actions are paid for by credit i hope the payments dont catch wind i hope the payments dont catch wind Choose to heal Choose to appeal Choose to feel Choose to conceal do what you want and do what you must but im left alive
4.
asterisk 01:56
asterisk finish to the relationship Is it something I would grieve? let me pretend I'm at least losing something everyday haunted a living moving memory is this against me? so much in so little time was it me? or was it we?
5.
tick 01:59
I've lied to everyone I've ever loved I've lied to everyone right from the start so it wouldn't hurt later on when they leave There is a ticking time bomb In every friendship I've ever had Waiting to go off at the worst moment I've lied to every lover I've ever had So they'd never take me back I'm self destructive in the worst ways & when I'm all alone in my apartment I'll have no one but myself Who's soon out the door a ticking time bomb bound to go off
6.
athena 01:33
passed out on the lawn in an arrangement of cigarette butts the sun gracing skin i hope dont get the call one day that you're gone the familiar becomes dissonant as i grow further away from you the phone lights up the phone lights up the phone lights up the phone lights up apollo's arrow striking through the heart i feel like the knife in turnus's chest slackened, my spirit flees into death's gloom swallowed whole by the feeling athena's words hammered right through my jawline the phone lights up and you're gone the phone lights up and you're gone the phone lights up and you're forgot
7.
cherry 01:11
some people can live their whole lives without living a single day weigh up the worth and what do you get? in the cathedral sequenced secrets found in the leaflet upon the steeple where god is legal and you're on the jury your beauty is a rotted cherry mine is a horribly written obituary
8.
oxy 02:44
i cant stay long i have to be gone oxycodone dripping blood down the staircase my body's a noose for my head - ive been waiting for this moment to arrive ive been waiting for you to come to my life ive been sitting on my side to sleep
9.
family 01:03
you abandoned me it feels like shit to know that family doesnt have to love you back feels like shit feels like shit feels like distance that i didnt really want
10.
hours 02:57
how have i loved you so many times and known your face was never in its place? now i wasted so many hours here now i waste so much time living here and how was i so close to you? have i found myself tucked away in your ear? - (there was once a note where im writing now. I no longer stand by it.)
11.
father 02:45
thank god you never saw me grow up id like to think you'd be ashamed you've never known the person ive become and I think that's good enough and i hope you're well wherever you are you died with the memory of what coulds and has not's would you bother to call me your son? did i know you to the extent i wish i could? the world you raised me in no longer exists how am i suppose to cope with this? and I hope you're well whenever, wherever you are
12.
birds 07:25
(the birds) i'll leave your head by the door step so you can watch the pretty birds passing on by do you wish you were one? do you wish you could go wherever you want? it doesnt feel right a blue shadow casting over everything you ever loved i know karma's comes to collect it's fine (the nest) pull a line, carry a debt you'll pay on time always forgetting your life pull, push, and shove you'll be paying the interest to the idea of people you've never loved (the tree) the ennui within settles for the languor of living and places a bet for engaged knowing well the existential calamity of being bears its weigh at every ounce of air and at every pound of gravity

about

10/22/20 (edit)

there was once a long dialogue about how much this release meant to me, how it was breaking the cycle of repetition, and how it reflected the pathos of (my)self to an uncomfortable breaking point, etc.

it was
- narcissistic pareidolia

I no longer stand by this record despite it being part of my own bildungsroman in my artistic vocation; at the time of writing, it still remains the peak aesthetic accumulation of the project: angeltown.

this album can be about whatever, whenever, wherever, whichever, and whoever you want it to be about. it is no longer mine to call.

yours,
jack willoughby muirhead.

-
3 quick facts about this record

1. what was was never is was the album's original name.
2. it was made entirely made on audacity
3. this record took approximately 2 weeks

credits

released May 11, 2020

thank you to the following people

1. jenny (spacecase) - background vocals/synths/noise (wreck)
- spacecasemusic.bandcamp.com
2. zack scribner (solo) - slide guitar/noises (asterisk)
- zackscribner.bandcamp.com/album/the-future-is-bright
3. hobbes (heaven's emperor) - piano (birds)
- lording.bandcamp.com
4. mailpup (hundhuset sound) - piano (hours)
- hundhuset.bandcamp.com
5. dean (jexno) - drums, keyboard (family)
- jexno.bandcamp.com

cover: KJH

angeltown is a project by jack willoughby muirhead, all rights regarding angeltown (texas) are reserved to jack willoughby muirhead. please use the contact form on bandcamp for any further inquires.

this album is copyrighted under Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0). you can read more into the legality of this license here: creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode

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